She's my Ate. (a name you call an older sister, cousin, friend, who's a girl to show respect) but she was a lot more than that to me. She's my cousin, my sister, my best friend, my shower buddy, my food buddy, and now my angel.
Ate Erika came to Canada when she was like 8 or 9 years old. I remember the first time we met was at my house during a family get together. Her and I looked at each other awkwardly cause we didn't know each other at all. I was probably like 5 or 6 at the time. From that moment, we discovered we were cousins and we were inseparable ever since. We got closer every time we spent together after that.
She lived in Toronto in an apartment with her family so we would go over to their house and sleepover a lot. We would have many sleepovers in her bedroom, play hide and go seek in the dark, play with our toys, go swimming, go shopping, watch movies, etc. Then, her and her family moved in St.Catharines so we got to see each other a lot more. As we were growing up, we got to bond even more. During the stages of 9-12, she taught me how to dress better, she would put makeup on me, we played teacher a lot, we made our own cousin handshake, we would watch BRATZ movies, she babysat me & my sisters a lot and make us macaroni and cheese, we started taking showers together, we listened to HSM & watch Disney channel together.
Around the ages of 13-16, we started talking about boys/crushes, she taught me how to curl my hair, she got better at doing my makeup, we talked about high school, she gave me advice, we watched Justine Bieber Never Say Never movie in theatres together, she made me a facebook account, and have a lot of sleepovers at her house. Around when I was 18 and she was 20 at the time, there was a phase where we didn't see each other as often as we liked. We didn't get to see each other for a couple years because of life getting busier for the both of us. We didn't talk as much as I wished but we would still message each other once in awhile to catch up on what we've been up to. From the past couple years that went by we finally got to hangout a little more and see each other more. Every time we haven't spoke in awhile we would say "I miss you" and "I love you" to each other through text or on the phone. Our love was still there and always would be there.
I can't even think of a time we fought. Our bond was like no other. We were literally like sisters and best friends. She was an older sister to me. She taught me how to dress nice, 80% of my closet are her clothes that she gave me from years ago. She was always giving her clothes to me & my sisters when they got too small for her or when she didn't want them anymore. Just a week before she passed away she had given us a bunch of clothes. Now, I dress a lot like her now because her clothes are mine now. (LOL) She even liked styling my outfits. She also taught me to do makeup or more like she did my makeup when I asked her to or when she would offer to do it for me like when I went to Prom in 2015. During my prom she offered to do my makeup, my hair, and even let me borrow her dress. She even told me the dress looked better on me than it did on her but I didn't think so.
Ate Erika has also taught me to do my nails, every time I was over she would always do my nails. She has taught me literally everything. Since she was 2 years older than me I looked up to her as my role model, an older sister. She was beautiful inside and out, her laughs were contagious, her jokes were hilarious, she was also really intelligent, she was so bubbly, and wasn't afraid of doing anything. She inspired me to be a better Ate to my younger sisters. She also never left anyone out during games, parties, get togethers, sleepovers, and anything we were doing. She'd get ALL of us involved some how. She loved spending time with me & my sisters and cousins. We would have a girls night all the time at her house. During these girls nights we would watch movies, stay up late laughing, eat ALOT of food, do our nails, go through her closet, talk about anything and everything, and play board games.
One time she drove us to Dollarama before our girls night and told us to grab any snack we wanted. We grabbed a lot of snacks and put it in a basket, she bought everything. She was very giving and always thought about others before herself. She cares so much about animals. I remember seeing her cry when we were in the Philippines because she saw stray dogs. She loved not just us but she loved animals. She also really loved God, she would remind us to say "Thank you po Lord Jesus" before every meal. She would get mad at us if we didn't say it. Till this day, I say it every time before I eat anything & I think of her. Speaking of meals...she absolutely LOVED FOOD. her and I had the same stomach and love for food. We would dance together with our family during parties and sing out the lyrics. A year ago in January-February 2019, Ate Erika and I had the chance to bond even more when we went to The Philippines together. These were a few of my favourite and most recent memories with her that I will cherish.
I remember we were super excited to go, we counted down the days together. During the month together in the Philippines we spent every second together. (Literally) We slept beside each other every night, we shopped together, eat ALOT OF FOOD together, got our nails and eyelashes together. We even started showering together every night. I was too shy at first but she insisted to shower together so we wouldn't have to wait and take turns. So, we were shower buddies and told secrets/have deep conversations during these times. She would even tell me to wait for her so we could shower together or ask me "Have you showered yet?" I remember during these showers my eyes would burn from getting them wet after getting my eyelashes done so she'd help me wash my hair and say "Beauty is pain, pain is beauty." She would also be my photographer in the Philippines and keep me close when we would walk together. We always locked arms while walking side by side and stick together. She brought me to a club because I wanted to experience it for the first time. Even though there wasn't too many people at the club and I was a little disappointed she still made it a good time for me. I twerked for the first time at the club and she was dying of laughter.
Ate Erika extended her trip for another month but I had to go back to Canada. She even wanted me to extend my vacation to go to Boracay with her and Kuya Lester but I couldn't cause work wouldn't of let me extend, I wished I did though. The day I left to go back to Canada Ate Erika was devastated and so sad that we were going to be apart. We got so used to each other's company that when we were apart we would miss each other instantly. She told me "Showering is lonely", she missed having me as her shower buddy and I missed her. She kept messaging me saying "wish you were here with me." We would count down the days till she would come back home to Canada and we'd see each other again. When she got back to Canada from the Philippines she wanted me to hangout with her as soon as she arrived. We were so happy to reunite after a month of not being together. Our bond got even stronger during our trip to The Philippines and I'll cherish every memory I have with her. These memories is what keeps her still alive. My last memory of her was during her dad's birthday party in September at their house. She played a drinking game with Kuya Lester, their friend, my boyfriend, my mom and Tita Emily. It was so funny to watch them play. It was a long night, when the party was over we said our goodbyes. I didn't know that was going to be the last time I would see her... December 1st 2019, was the day I lost my Ate.
It was the most heartbreaking day and the most depressing day of my life. I found out that I lost my best friend, my older sister, my cousin, my Ate. I didn't and couldn't believe that she was really gone. I didn't want to believe it. It happened so fast that it didn't feel real at all. It still doesn't feel real. I wished it wasn't real. Everything still feels so surreal to me. Some days are better than others, some days are the worst ever. I miss her so much it hurts but I have these memories to keep her alive. She'll always be remembered in my heart, she'll always be with me. I just wished we'd hung out more cause we had many moments when we would plan to see each other but it didn't happen cause she was working or I was busy with school.
She planned to bring me to Cuba, she promised to bring me to a club in Canada, she planned on teaching me to do my eyelashes, she planned to do a lot of things with her but we didn't get to. Cherish every moment and every person in your life because you never know when it will be the last time you see them. Life is too short, say "I love you" to everyone you care about. Don't keep grudges, forgive and forget. Appreciate every day that God has given us. Live like everyday is your last. Live life to the fullest.
